We often wonder about the ones who pass away and leave us — what happens to them? The tunnel of light. Are they re-incarnated. How do they come back. What happens to them in the netherworld. How was their journey there. Do they ever miss us. Do they want to come back. Do they come back? Are they somewhere around us. Do they want to communicate with us. What is the afterlife. Is there an afterlife.
But, who thinks about the ones they leave behind. The wife, the mother, the grandchild, the lone daughter or son who shared all their secrets with them, the friend who talked to them for hours.
How do they go on. Do they go on living in a vacuum. Do they keep on living in a shell. Do they pretend that the person is still there around them. Can they sense their lost one in their surroundings. Does time actually heal wounds. Do we miss them lesser and lesser as time goes by. Or is the pain still as sharp.
The stab of disappointment when they feel like that person just entered the room but then realize that they didn’t. When they look at a picture and can remember the sound of their laughter and the warmth accompanying it. The nostalgia of all the good times that they shared. When they want to talk to that person about something, something that absolutely no one else will understand. When they need that person’s advice and can’t trust anyone else. When they walk into a room and can imagine that person sitting there. The way they sat there for so many years that it is imprinted in your mind.
The sense of seeing their clothes brings up images of them dressed in those clothes. The clinginess of wearing their old watch that doesn’t even work anymore. Those sunglasses that remind you of the many times you saw them wearing them. The ring they always wore. And then, how those hands looked and the way they held them. They way they wore their shoes and the manner in which they slouched while watching tv. How they teased you and made you laugh.
Does it ever end? Do you want it to?
There is a constant fight in wanting to forget and wanting to remember. You want to forget because you think it will make things easier to deal with, that you will be able to live easier. You want to remember because you want the feeling of that person around you. You feel guilty that you would forget this person who meant so much to you. You want things to be as they were, because things were good that way. So inside of you, you keep that emotion going that they live on.
At one point, one may feel that their own life is worthless and they can’t go on. Then one starts coming out of their shell to notice the world around them again. They start living a normal life and enjoying pursuits that interested them. They don’t necessarily go into a depression (not everyone that is). The recollections come in spurts, sometimes many, sometimes not so much. Sometimes, they catch you unaware and you feel a pang.
The pain recedes and vivid memories live on.